I ask myself… "What is meditation?"

I think on what I have been told, what I have read, what I was taught to believe and I have nothing.

What need am I?

I must project the inner me and that is meditation for meditation is not a static thing.

Perhaps if I behold others in the light of understanding I would better myself because I would better understand myself.

Prayer is of no use when it is constantly asking for something.

I am bewildered and this past week have felt utterly depleted. I actually want to give up my spiritual work for I feel I give nothing. Ah, yes, there is one thing in my favor and that is that I ask little in return. Perhaps therein lies my weakness. I expect nothing and I receive nothing.

I think on the classes and those within them. How very good they all are and I have so little to offer.

Is it necessary to always expect outward phenomena? If this be so then why do I meditate?

Until I thoroughly know myself I cannot really meditate.

I am so awfully alone yet I "see" myself as one of the same thing.

As I go "deeper" into myself I see all of nature rebelling against what man is doing.

Why, of course, even nature is affected by what man is doing.

Buildings being built where there should be no buildings. Masses being hypnotized thru sheer selfish greedy advertising.

Land will crumble, storms will destroy, human bodies being tranquilized so that it can better face itself... it thinks...

Death... A loathsome word to many who see finality within it yet - as I sit here - I see death as a renewal, a fresh start...

Is the dove struggling to become an eagle? Is the lowly dandelion struggling to become a lovely lily? Is the lowly insect struggling to become a most beautiful butterfly? Yet, as I meditate, I "see" man struggling against the very nature of himself and he is finding no peace. Why, of course!!!!! There must be a reaction and the reaction is frustration and violence, stemming from within man himself.

Yes! Yes! I See!!!! In the frustrated effort of man to find himself he begins with the outer things that take no courage (he tries to think it does) and so he changes the outerness of himself and still finds his frustration ever growing. He begins to speak of Love as though it were a tangible commodity which, of course, it isn’t.

The branch breaks away from the source and it withers and dies.

I "see" those in my classes… Elmer, Geneva, Irma, Gwen, Jo Anne, Lee, etc. As I "see" them I am WITH THEM. I need no physical aspect of them to "see" them for they are ever with me and I am filled with Love for everyone of them and - ah, yes, now I see... we are ever one. I need no drug to see myself as one with the bird, with the tree, with a friend...

Aha! I now "see" we are actually one. This is where the "I Am that which I Am" comes into my better understanding.

Now I better "see" why spiritualism - as such - is very close to the truth. All is one and One is All. I cannot possibly actually see the Life within the tree but I can recognize its life thru its manifestation of branches, leaves and fruit.

I "sense" the SOURCE only because I, too, am a part of that Source. It makes all one and ONE ALL. It is not difficult.

Enough of meditation for the present as I weary of trying too hard. I must force nothing.

I will assimilate as I am ready to assimilate.